Seeking Approval

Seeking Approval

Why do we need justification? Many of us need justification because we need the approval of others. We value other’s approval and acceptance of us more than we value ourselves. This is not our fault! We have been programed to need the approval of others! By the way, that’s a justification!

It is true that we are programmed to need the approval of others. We have all been conditioned to see our worth through someone else’s eyes. It begins very early in our lives as we seek the approval of our parents, our teachers, and our classmates. Then later in life, we seek the approval of our superiors and our peers.  This leads to a pattern of our needing to get the right grades, getting into the right schools, finding the right job, marrying the right partner, buying the right house, driving the right car, and on and on and on. Justification is really a way to blame something or someone else for our own problems, our own bad decisions. We have a choice, instead of finding someone or something else to blame we can take ownership of our bad decisions and learn from them.  You can make the decision to change or you can make the decision not to change knowing that if you continue to make the same bad choices that resulted in you getting sick and you don’t make any changes you will continue to be sick.  You can also choose not to choose and avoid the issue, avoid growth or you can choose to be a victim so you don’t have to take responsibility for yourself. 

Illness can be your justification. You can use your illness as an excuse to avoid everything in your life that makes you uncomfortable. What is lacking from all of these choices is self-respect. If you respect yourself you will make good choices. If you don’t respect yourself you will make bad choices because you will have someone or something else to blame. The key to self-respect is to take ownership of these bad decisions and forgive yourself. This will free you to start making better choices moving forward. You can choose to transform your sense of worth. That’s when you don’t need justification, when you take ownership and forgive yourself. That’s when you don’t need others' approval to feel worthwhile. Justification is just another word for staying in your head because that’s what you know, that’s what you are comfortable with. When you no longer are seeking approval, you know that you are aligned with your head and your heart. When you switch your mindset to growth, happiness, and health, that’s when the healing process begins.

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